Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
