I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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