The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
