Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
