he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
