We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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