mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
