I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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