What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
pray to the hookup gods
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
