You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
