i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
