i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
