Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
