I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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