I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
