I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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