If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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