You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
