just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
