I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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