Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
