U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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