I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
