I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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