He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
