I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
