The maid of honor just puked.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
