it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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