You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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