Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
