I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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