For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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