Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
