dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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