I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just invented taco cereal.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
