i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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