stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
