the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
