I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I want you more than these girls want KFC
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
