I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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