god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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