U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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