How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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