I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize