Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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