some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
