Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
