Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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