his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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