How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
