my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Randomize
