Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
