My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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