We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
