I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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