I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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