Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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