Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
