all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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