So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Let's paint friendship bongs
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
