it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize