I think my vagina is haunted
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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