thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I checked into jail on foursquare
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
