Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If I die, sorry about rent.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
