just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
