we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
