careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
