I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
