My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
i believe in u and ur pee
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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