I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
