Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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