her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
