you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Say something about gay babies.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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