He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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