a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
