So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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