I hate all girls vehemently.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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